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Another day, another destiny… another ending road to…. Wait… no…

  Actually, I think that works.

   People. this job.

   It’s like being strapped to a chair and being forced to listen to droning nerd.

  Talking math.

    But you want to know how I’ve gotten through these past 8 months… other than me just being awesome?

I rarely react to my paycheck like that.

Two things:

The paycheck.

The paycheck – isn’t a lot. But it covers the bills and I have bills. And debt. Most notably school loans.

 

 

 

 

 

 Second, the computers.

Now, you’re probably thinking that I’m about to launch into a description of my 27 inch Apple desktop computers with 3.1GHz quad-core Intel Core i5 with 6MB on-chip shared L3 cache and AMD Radeon HD 6970M graphics processor with 1GB of GDDR5 memory with a 1 TB hardrive.

Like this one

No.

I wish.

But no.

My bosses are not that generous. Nor are they that awesome.

No, my computers are special only because I can use the plural of computer.

Actually, let me start over again. Computer is a bad word because unless you’re talking about Macs, because they are awesome, a computer is your hardrive.

So, in actuality, I have one computer and two PC 13 inch monitors.

The computers are ancient. Aristotelian ancient. Platonian ancient.

I’m thinking even Macedonian ancient.

This was King Tut’s first computer.
True story.

They barely work. It takes about 800 minutes to open Word. Word 2003.

It still has the same desktop photos that my 2002 Vaio laptop did.

Lame.

Anyways, I’ve gotten carried away: allow me to extol the virtues of my computers.

There are two of them. And this means that on one screen is my work, and on the other, my distractions.

I can always have my work open so that I look productive when people wander over to my corner of the office, but I can always stay entertained by the other screen. Win-win situation here, for everbody.

So, how to stay not bored at work:

First off, figure out what needs to be done for your actual job, budget your time accordingly, and throughout the day, complete those tasks. And never say you’re bored: your bosses will take that as an invitation to give you more tediously dull work to do.

Not good.

Once you’ve budgeted that time for work, now feed into your multiple addictions: TV shows, music, news, politics, shopping, researching, stalking celebrities. You know, the usual.

And have at it – read all sorts of random shite that you wouldn’t normally do if you had a job you cared about.

I suggest iwastesomuchtime.com for anyone who needs a good laugh. I’d also suggest Cracked.com, except my company has decided to block any social media sites, and internet move/games, anything that includes the words “naked” or “nude” – kill joys, I just want to look at pair of Christian Loboutin nude pumps – and whatever that is Cracked.com’s job description.

YouTube was also blocked for a time and apparently it still is for everybody else’s computers… except for mine. It works on mine.

Yeah, my computers are that special.

YouTube is a gold mind on its own: as we all know so well. Now, since people always have a reason to wander over to my area of the office – oh yes, that’s because my bosses recently moved me to the microwave area. There is also a coffee maker, a tea boiler, and a toaster oven.

Anyways, I can’t be watching movies constantly on YouTube because people will notice. I sneak peeks here and there while surreptitiously glancing peripherally. If anyone’s noticed, they haven’t said anything. YouTube has a wealth of period dramas, fan made music videos for all my favorite TV shows, and full episodes of many shows. This makes me happy in more ways than I can count.

Researching. This is another time killer and it’s quite educational. Who knew that Travel sites could detect which kind of computer you were on and raise/lower their prices accordingly? Yeah, it’s true: websites know if you’re on a Mac so they’ll charge you more for flights – up to 30% more. Uh-huh – this is why clicking every link on CNN is actually a good thing. Who knew…

Plan your wedding. Even if you’re not getting married and have no intention to – like me. You could also help plan a friend’s wedding. Also something I do.

Finally, open gmail. Open gmail and engage in heartfelt, hilarious, side-splitting, politically-charged, inappropriate conversations on gchat with your friends. Assuming you have some. It’s a time-killing, educationally-invigorating, comedy-show rolled up into one excellent distraction from the mundane of your job.

Yes, ladies and gents, that is my day in a nutshell…

Disclaimer: Just because I spend 75 percent of my day not doing my job doesn’t mean I don’t work: I actually am 100 times more productive than my coworkers. It’s just I’m incredibly fast and my job is beneath me, intellectually and mentally. My 12 year old cousin could do this with time to spare.

And I leave you with this beautiful message:

That is Hugh Jackman. Channeling his not-so-inner child.

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